We made some cookies. Ate dinner. Watched some TV. I took my pills. And then I sat here like I had been wound up like a clock. I finally decided to go out for a smoke. I was really trying to not go, to put it off. I WILL keep trying.
We made some cookies. Ate dinner. Watched some TV. I took my pills. And then I sat here like I had been wound up like a clock. I finally decided to go out for a smoke. I was really trying to not go, to put it off. I WILL keep trying.
I had a decent nap. I woke up around 1430 and finished putting away a bunch of laundry, packed clothes because I will be at my mom’s this weekend while she babysits so I can work, played on the computer for a few minutes, etc. Then S and I started baking cookies for the weekend and I started dinner. I fought the urge to go out for a smoke for almost 4 hours by staying busy, but in the end I gave in. Back to battling the physical addiction as well as the psych/emotional one.
I really debated whether or not I could manage to skip this smoke and just go take my nap. I thought about it all morning. I finally decided that I would go out. I was actually not sure if I could fall asleep if I didn’t have a smoke.
The night is winding down. I smoked waiting for the boy to come out of class.
Matt is gone to school. S is off to work. I’m off to the shower (S beat me in there this morning) then on to Sir’s house. One quick smoke before getting cleaned up.
I was almost sleep walking I was so tired. But, I still went out for a smoke. Just like a robot on auto pilot. It was a very short smoke as I realized what I was doing. Then I went straight to bed and practically passed out. I don’t know what i making me so tired these last few days.
Out for a smoke. I am getting really tired for some reason tonight.
Last smoke for the day. Sir very subtley reminded me earlier tonight that my way of quitting smoking does not seem to be working. I reluctantly had to agree. I need to remember to include why I am going out to smoke, my feelings, stress, or whatever. Then I have to go back and look at them and try to find alternatives to dealing with that stuff rather than smoking.
Just getting home. Had a smoke when I got back. Now to get the child’s homework done, dinner made and eaten and then to TKD class.
